allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize