Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
