A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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