He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
