I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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