dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
