Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
