so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i would punch a child for taco bell
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize