Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
