I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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