Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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