your room smells of hookers.
And success
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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