just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
