Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's official drugs can't kill me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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