College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize