mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
