I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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