Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
