Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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