Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
