I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we made out on top of his cat.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
