I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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