You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
