The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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