it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize