I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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