I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
