I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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