It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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