so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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