My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I just put wine in my tea
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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