Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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