I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
