By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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