ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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