i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
