With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
