My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize