Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
