Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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