no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
