no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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