Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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