I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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