my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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