wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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