So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
