We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
