You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
