i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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