I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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