she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
