I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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