the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
