if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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