i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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