Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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