Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
