They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
do herpes really smell.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
