Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
