I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
