She said her name was "party"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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