Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
