i barfeds in our rink
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
