I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
