i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
